I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
