Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
