I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
