so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
