Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
