I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
