When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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