just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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