Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night