Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Randomize
