Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter