At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
