CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.