Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
