i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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