And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize