I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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