At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
