if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well most of my day revolves around power hour
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
