Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
