just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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