Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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