youre lurking in front of me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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