so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
