Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
