Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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