He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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