So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
