You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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