filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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