the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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