I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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