She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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