If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
