Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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