I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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