YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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