i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
