im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
