It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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