I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize