I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
