Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
