There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
