Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
