As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
