My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
