I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
