I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
