I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
