just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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