so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
