That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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