I want to stick my p in your. b.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
