I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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