The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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