I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
