I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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