my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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