Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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