Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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