like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
