Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
