I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
