Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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