the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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