She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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