Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
