Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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