Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
