You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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