I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
