Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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