Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
