Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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