So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
im on a boat
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