I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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