i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
