Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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