You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
