well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
