So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
