I wanna bring you to show and tell
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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